C’mon, Baby, Light My Fire: Candles in the Bedroom are for More than Lighting the Way, Hot Wax Also Goes on the Body
“My name is Amber, and I’m into BDSM.”
This might sound like the opening line for one in a recovery group, but Amber is perfectly happy with her life and not in search of treatment. If anything, she wants to shed light on BDSM and help others feel more comfortable with its practices.
“BDSM refers to bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, and sadomasochism,” Amber explains. “Most people believe anyone who engages is a pervert or criminal. This is absolutely false. BDSM allows people to creatively explore sex. It steps outside of traditional boundaries and adds spice to relationships.”
She adds with a wink, “You’ll never hear anyone who engages in bondage say their sex life is boring.”
When Pain Leads to Ecstasy
A component of BDSM is pain, which explains why many perceive it as taboo. But scientists have studied the connection between pain and pleasure and understand why one leads to the other. First, when pain is less severe than anticipated, it evokes relief that in turn becomes pleasurable.
“Another explanation will resonate with some and turn others away,” Amber says. “A number of people need to be dominated, tied up or subjected to pain in order to feel alive. This isn’t a sickness or illness, but an expression of life. It’s as normal and increasingly familiar as drawing or writing to convey a feeling.”
The Flame of Desire
Amber is an admitted seasoned vet when it comes to BDSM. “I’ve tried almost all of it,” she confesses. “Restraints, whips, chains, handcuffs, blindfolds, and other things I won’t mention – you might say I’m up for anything. I’ve played both dominant and submissive roles. All of it takes me to a higher place. I feel free.”
One of her favorite activities is pouring hot candle wax on her partner’s body. (SEE:
Candles for Enhanced Couple Sensation) “The tension in their bodies before, the short squeal of pain when they feel the hot wax and the release immediately after takes me to the edge every time,” she says. “It’s like having sex and getting just to the point of orgasm before stopping. The whole experience is delicious.”
Amber takes candle pouring to a new dimension when she uses lickable candles. These can be used even by couples who don’t engage in BDSM. They come in a variety of tantalizing flavors that, after hitting a lover’s skin, cool slightly and then are licked by the other partner.
“The hot wax is for the person on the receiving end of candle pouring,” Amber tells us. “The flavor is pleasant for the one doing the licking, but this experience is really about running your tongue over your lover’s body. You can do it with long, slow laps or rapid flicks of the tongue to satisfy whatever urge you have.”
Other Candle Varieties
Of course, not all candles are ideal for licking. Some offer aromatherapy qualities that ignite the senses and heighten arousal. Others simply smell nice and add passion to an already intimate moment. Vanilla is sexy, lavender appealing and strawberry sensual.
“The beauty with candles is you can take your pick,” Amber says. “My favorite candle for dripping wax on a lover’s body is the drip. It allows me to measure how much wax I place on his or her body. Sometimes a partner wants a lot, other times a little. The drip candle provides a more customized experience.”
Amber is quick to let people know that BDSM, and using candle wax, does not have to meet a particular standard. “The point is to do what you want. Let go, listen to your body and have fun.”